Video Game Sandwich

Okay, now, this might be an easy achievement whoring session if you’re a sport-literate American, but if your name’s Lou, you’re from Britain, and the only football you truly understand is the one played by teams like Arsenal or Barcelona then you’d be hard pressed to apply these rules to the American namesake. It takes an age to complete all of the Madden NFL 06 achievements as it is, the most tedious of which would be the 30 years of franchise mode which involves much persistence and an undying love of the A and Start buttons on your 360 controller (you’ll need it as the amount of time you’re spending with these two buttons will be about the span of an average modern marriage anyway).

Once you’ve emerged from several hours of intermittent button-monkeying I was up to the 350 yard pass, and 200 yard rush achievements. Okay. Right. I know how to pass, and I could probably make 350 yards out of that little gem, but a rush? What’s a rush? Is that literal, like, how one would rush with the ball to score at the end zone in attempt not to get one’s limbs shattered? (lol… i said end zone…) or is that some sort of technical term used in the NFL to support a gameplan, or play, or method, or lack of patience, e.t.c.? Either way I gave right up on that one. The squareness of my eye balls was rather alarming, so I figured it was high time I turn off this damn game and let my eyes be the circular shape they’ve always destined to be.

Next on the list: Donkey Kong… Sorry, I mean King Kong!

(… I wish it was Donkey Kong, I hear this King Kong is all kinds of shit!)

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